dear depression diary,
I am lucky.
and in the same breath, I feel the need to say, I am worthy. for so long, I have considered my baggage a burden. one so heavy, that I felt like I didn’t deserve to share that load with any else. for once in my life, I am happy to be wrong.
I have someone who comes with his own baggage. but we came together and found some luggage that carries both our loads in one. his is mine and mine is his; I have a partner. and I swear, y’all, that’s all I have ever wanted. someone who sees me for who I am and doesn’t try to change me. someone who doesn’t try to tell me who I am or, more importantly, who I am not. someone who has more patience with the little humans than I do on most days (I love them to death, but they are a handful. as I type this, both little humans are yelling “MOM!” in each ear #sendhelp – one wants gummies and the other wants pudding for dessert).
as much as I tease him about being my not boyfriend (we are taking things slow because this is our first relationship in a few years), he is still here; committed and present. when he’s away from me and the little humans, he calls us via Duo to check in. he asks about school activities, and homework, and the fun things they did that day. he is a writer, just like me, and my favorite nights are when we spend hours on the phone proofing our WIPs and working on other materials. a close second are the nights we spend together: him on one side of the bed reading books on the art of comics and me on the other side reading classic lit or blogging. he’s dorkier than I am, and despite the bumps we’ve hit in the road, I am certain that I won’t find anyone else like him. honestly, I wouldn’t want to.
if you had asked me 8 months ago if I thought I deserved this kind of happiness, I would have told you “it’s okay, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m going to be single for the rest of my life. as long as I have the little humans, I’m okay with that”. my friend’s would call me pessimistic and tell me that it was that negative attitude that was stopping me from finding someone special.
again, for once, I’m glad someone else was right.
lesson of the day: don’t succumb to negativity. when you surround yourself with it, that’s all you will ever know. be open to the possibilities, they are truly endless.