dde

entry #16

dear depression diary,

it’s been a while, but today is already the worst I’ve had in a while ..

for starters, little A woke up with a stomach virus. she’s always so bubbly and full of life so to not have the house filled with her voice is just bringing my mood down. I’m glad she’s able to articulate what’s wrong with her but, for any parent who’s ever experienced stomach viruses, we know that all we can do is make it as easy as possible until it passes. so she’s laying down with Baby (her hand stitched doll from my SO’s grandmother) and watching paw patrol.

to top it off, I had to deliver news this morning that has honestly had me teary eyed since I typed out the text.

you see, before I was blessed with two little humans of my own, my first babies were my two little cousins. the oldest graduated 3 years ago and the youngest is graduating this weekend. the family was going to attend graduation and then take a trip to FL to celebrate her stepping into this new part of her journey. for anyone who keeps up with the blog, you know I had death in the family that took a while to come to terms with. by the time it was all said and done, I was behind in school and not working much. I wrapped up my last class almost two weeks ago but I’ve been working to play catch up with everything I neglected to do. as if things couldn’t get any worse, I blew a tired and stupidly threw out the rim/wheel along with it so now I have to replace both parts. it’s just a clusterfuck of fuckery at this point. I am hurt and angry that I’m going to miss this time with her and the rest of my family. I know she understands, but I love her like she is my own and it breaks my heart not to be there.

I’d say I’m going to curl up in a ball and cry all day, but instead I’ll be running back and forth between my daughter’s room, my own room and the bathroom today.

send all the good vibes please, I need them.

lesson of the day: even when it hurts, own your emotions. face them head on and keep on keeping on. all I ask is that you try.

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