dear Father Time,
I’m torn, because, while I have a few bones to pick with you, I am also grateful for the abundance of love that surrounded me over the last year. through the best and the worst of times, there is so much to look back on and appreciate.
my motherfucking birthday month! I was blessed to spend my special day with my kiddos and my significant other. despite it being the tail end of the worst part of the pandemic, I was always in a position to make the money I needed – until I wrecked my car and was out of commission for three weeks. just…why? as if I haven’t had enough bad luck with cars, here you go with the black ice at night fucking up the good vibes. in 2022, let’s keep the car trouble to an absolute ZERO, okay?!
every year this month is rough for me, it’s the year you took my brother from me. such a senseless death that I still can’t rationalize but I’m coping and healing all the same. it was a month of acceptance through writing, and that newfound strength showed in the power of my words. I started a joint project with my love and had some of the best stats eclectic has ever seen. thanks for planting the seeds that led my bestie and godson to visit me and the little humans. so many laughs and memories and cuddles in a few short days. I wouldn’t be mad if you worked your magic and made it happen again in the new year… just a suggestion, no biggie.
oh man, march was one of the greatest months of the year, hands down. I was blessed enough to take my kiddos on a vacation to NYC and spoil them to no end. we spent some QT with our bonus family and made memories the little humans still talk about as we say goodbye to ’21. do me a favor and give me more moments like that in 2022; please and thank you.
whew chile, you were really tugging at my heart strings *strong side eye* but there was so much to be thankful for. I will never be able to express the happiness I feel every time I look at little A and remember how far we’ve come since those 72 hours in the hospital before she made her way into this world. 2022 brings her fourth birthday and every single day she amazes me more and more. all that said, the timing of you taking my aunt away from us was piss poor. not that there’s ever a good time for it, but you have a terrible habit of piling on the bad shit once you start.
my SONshine celebrated his last single-digit birthday! who told my baby to grow up, I’m not ready. thank you for allowing my mother to see another year. once again, you came thru with impeccable timing and I was able to quit my job and focus on the things that make my heart stir. the extra time spent with my little humans was good for the soul- you knew what you were doing, because you knew what you were about to put me through.
june, july & august
these months were a fucking blur of sadness and despair, so, fuck you. you took my Granny a month before her 100th birthday and it broke me to literal pieces. I am still trying to repair myself from that damage. ugh, you really did a number on me. one of the brightest moments during such a rough time was the staycation I took with my cousin. having her here to celebrate our granny’s life and her scholarly success (my baby went to school with scholarships on scholarships) brought smiles in between the tears, and I’m so thankful for her ❤
on the one hand, my Granny should have celebrated her 100th birthday and dealing with that loss still weighs heavy on me. on the other hand, my beautiful nephew was born & my SO moved in. they were the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. you threw a lot of shit at me this year, but having them in this world made it just a tiny bit easier.
pooh bear came to town & I can’t describe how good it was to see my best friend. things finally started to feel somewhat like normal: I was kicking school’s ass and enjoying the happiness my little humans felt having my SO in the house. we settled into the ‘family’ routine quick, our favorite time together being friday movie nights. I don’t know you couldn’t let me enjoy it, just a little longer. no … you had to come into november with a fucking curveball
the passing of my grandfather was hard for a number of reasons – the most important being the difficulty of mourning his death while still coping with the loss of my Granny. at a point, I just shut down emotionally, so it was that much harder to accept the loss. but you didn’t stop there, because you had to throw financial and car issues on top of it that made it impossible to go home for the funeral. talk about a slap in the metaphorical face-you had no chill.
the final chapter
all in all, I guess you gave me a pretty decent finale to the year. I wrapped up the semester with better grades than I expected after that rough patch in november and the little humans and I got to spend some QT with our bonus family. as we head into the final hours of 2021, I am hopeful for the next 365 days. I know you won’t go easy on me, so all I ask is that you keep my circle tight and keep us surrounded by light and love. even on the toughest days, it all makes all the difference