afterschool special

I had never been a hotter commodity on myspace

‘I’m sorry for your loss’ and ‘I’m here if you need me’ messages filled the screen when I logged into myspace that day after school. so many people that had said less than a few words to me in the six months I’d been there now offered their condolences as if they actually cared. I knew the right thing to do would be to respond and give thank you‘s that held as little weight as most of their fraudulent sympathies, but I also knew people would understand if I didn’t reply at all. I was grieving, no one would judge me for leaving them on read. honestly, I knew people cared more about being able to tell their friends “I messaged her to see if she was okay” more than they cared about finding out how I was actually doing. there are two messages I will never forget from that day: one was from a girl in my P.E. class that sent me a long paragraph about her own loss and how hard it was for her to get through the days that followed. I didn’t even know there were words that effectively described how I was feeling until I read her message *to this day, she holds a special place in my heart and we are still connected*. the second was from you. in true JS fashion, you sent me a short and sweet message that made me smile for the second time that day. the two of you were the only ones I felt genuinely cared about how I was coping and that means more to me than either of you will ever know.

the two of you gave me hope, even if it was only for a moment

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