entry #10

dear depression diary,

I came across this post that I wrote on my Tumblr on July 23 2020 that I want to share with you.

“mental illnesses don’t make you any less of a person. I personally suffer from depression; that increases tenfold when I’m left alone. I say it often but I don’t think people really hear me when I say — my kids save my life everyday. If you’re like me, or suffer from other hardships in your life — I am here. Message me, talk to me, vent to me, cry on my virtual shoulder. No one should have to go through a single step of life alone. I am here for you. Speak out.

here you are loved.”

I want anyone who reads this to know I meant and still mean every word of this. I’ve lost family and friends to suicide because they felt they had to fight their battles alone. I have had suicidal thoughts and tendencies myself in the past during the moments I felt like I had no one to turn to, that no one would understand what I am going through. I am so thankful for the people that opened up to me and gave me the courage to talk about my traumas and mental issues.

If I can be that person for just one of you, then I’ve done something right.

lesson of the day: be courageous, even in your weakest moments — that is the real strength.

butterfly

her, she shone with a light that radiated the darkest night my favorite moment was the night we met she shook my breasts, and not my hand; how could I forget

when I would wear my flower crown headbands around her she would tell me ‘you look like a snapchat filter’ her laugh was infectious, as was her smile so it was impossible to tell that all the while

she suffered from a sadness no one could have known in silence, she fought her fight alone

so when she left us, it broke my heart

even though it hurt to see her go I find happiness because I know there’s another guardian in the sky she was always meant to fly